How Do You Want Me To Live Without You?
by Mione of the Dragon
Summary: It's sad:( . Herm is an auror, Draco is a Death Eater and they love each other, what would happen when they had to battle against each other? CHAPTER 3, GRAMMAR & SPELLING FIX.
1. default chapter

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I hope that since this story is in past tense I won't commit many grammar errors. (Be comprehensive; I speak Spanish). I want to write this story without stopping or anything so I'll show you the hour. I don't know what I'm going to write, but I'm going to write it! Time: 1:53  
  
Thank U Anna so much 4 beta it!!!!! Anna L Sharp, U did to me a big favor, Ur a true friend and a great person, thanx Anna L Sharp 4 beta it!  
  
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HOW DO YOU WANT ME TO LIVE WITHOUT YOU?  
  
We entered the big manor. All of us with our wands in our hands, ready to attack if it was necessary. They were there in that living room, just minutes ago, we could still sense their presences. We separated, but I went alone, terrified of whom I might find there. I offered myself to check the dungeons for any of the Death Eaters. I knew that he had always felt some familiarity with the cold dungeons since his very first school day. I walked through a corridor opening all the doors that were just at the sides. I came to the last one, terribly wishing that he wasn't here, but I knew that he was. I opened the door slowly and saw him just standing there, still as stone. God! He is so beautiful! He hasn't changed a bit, though the last time I saw him was just a year ago... well, almost a year. I saw him just looking at me with pleading eyes, oh those piercing gray-silver eyes.  
  
"There has to be a way to get you out of here," I heard myself saying to him. I was terrified, for him, for what the other Aurors would do to him if they found him.  
  
"Hermione..." I heard him said my name with a deep crack in his voice.  
  
"There is no way out of here without passing through the lobby..."  
  
"Then I'll make you pass without the others noticing it," I said quickly and securely, or at least I tried to say it securely to convince Draco.  
  
"I won't ever do it." He said this time with his whole body trembling. Oh my! He was so scared, and I couldn't do anything to stop it. He then gazed at me, again his eyes pleading, like when I had entered the room. I suddenly understood what he wanted me to do...  
  
"No!" I screamed with all my might.  
  
.......................................................................................  
  
11 months before...  
  
I was utterly scared. My heart was aching, the Dark Lord had regained all his power, and he had proved it: he had killed Dumbledore. Now there was nothing left at Hogwarts. Ron and Harry had fell into a trap a year ago, and Voldemort had killed them both. I had cried for too many nights for my lost friends, too many tears had fallen from my eyes down my cheek to my pillow for so many weeks. With the time I had learned to lived with it. All the students were either just as or more scared than I was.  
  
Malfoy, or Draco, since we were calling by first names at those times, hadn't said anything nasty to anyone since Voldermort's arise. He had even given me his condolence when Harry and Ron were murdered. We had talked too many times about so many things, how unsure we were about what was coming! I even began to ponder my feelings towards him every time after we talked. I told about how I was unsure of my feelings towards Draco to Lavender, since she was one of the new friends that I had made after my old friends' death. She wisely replied, "If you can imagine yourself kissing him, you like him; if you can imagine yourself making love with him, you love him. That's the best way to know if you like someone." So with her advice I tried to imaging myself kissing Draco...it was easy, but I didn't want to knew if I loved him. I was scared, scared of the answer as I was scared of many other things.  
  
I kept walking, through the castle, and then I went outside after the dinner. How was it going to be? All the students were leaving Hogwarts tomorrow, heading for their homes, since Hogwarts wasn't a safe place anymore. I saw my feet struggling against the snow while walking to open themselves a path. It was snowing, and I didn't care about it either. I just needed time to think about the things that were happening in the wizard and Muggle world.  
  
I walked for five minutes until I saw a tall figure standing straight ahead. Tussled blond-silver hair, beautiful gray eyes looking back at me as I headed towards him. I got closer to him and just saw his gorgeous face streak with tears. I looked, puzzled, at him, and he just turned his face away.  
  
"What's wrong?" I asked him with a concerned voice. What had happened to him?  
  
"Nothing is wrong, Hermione," He replied, turning his eyes to one side to avoid looking directly at me.  
  
"Don't lie to me," I muttered under my breath. He then looked back at me. "You know you can trust me. Aren't we friends?" I said to him. We were indeed friends. Our relationship had improved immensely from enemies. His eyes were sparkling, this was the first time that we had silently agreed that our relationship had a name: `friendship'  
  
Even if I was going head over heels for him, we were still friends. His mouth slowly twitched into a light smile.  
  
"I know I can trust you," he told me in a sweet voice.  
  
"So..." I replied.  
  
"Ok, I will tell you, I will trust you." And he took out one hand from his pockets and caressed my cheek. I felt something I had never felt before travel through my spine. I slowly closed my eyes.  
  
"God, you're freezing!" he told me, and I opened my eyes. I saw concern in his.  
  
"Let`s go inside to talk." I nodded, and we began our travel through the snow. We arrived at the castle without speaking a word the entire journey.  
  
"Let's find a quite place," I told him, he was the one to nod this time, and we went through corridors and through many stairs, until we arrived at the astronomy tower.  
  
We sat down on the cold floor. I looked at him, and he opened his mouth to speak, then closed it before muttering any word. He looked like he was trying to choose the right words.  
  
"You know we have to go home tomorrow... I-I don't want to. Father will force me to become a Death Eater, or he will kill me." I looked at him, startled. I never had imagined that for him leaving Hogwarts was to either join Voldemort or to find his death waiting in his father's hands. I began to say something, but he put one of his fingers at my lips to quiet me.  
  
"I don't want to serve Voldemort and kill innocent people. I HATE Voldemort!" A lonely tear began to fall on his cheek. With one finger, I put it away. I got on my knees, and hugged him, hugged him hard and cuddled him in my arms. Before I could stop them, tears began to fall from my eyes; I didn't want him to neither die nor suffer!  
  
I kissed his forehead. He got out of my arms and looked at me, somewhat startled. I leaned over, waiting for him to kiss me. With my eyes shut, I could felt the soft brush of his lips against mine. He deepened the kiss by introducing his tongue in my mouth, and we continued kissing and caressing.  
  
Both of us leaned forward on the cold, stone floor, but we didn't felt the cold that time.  
  
Both pawing each other.  
  
Both of us were clinging ourselves to one another, as if we were going to die if we separated even an inch.  
  
He savagely ripped my robes, as I tore his. We continued to passionately kiss each other. I just felt him; we were one. I wrapped my arms around him and sank my nails in his back.  
  
We continue making love all night long, both needing each other, both loving each other.  
  
I woke up that morning, still on the cold floor. I was cuddling him, his face was resting against my chest, I couldn't really believed that I had lost my virginity with Draco, since I had always thought that I would do that on my wedding night. I strolled my fingers through his gold-silver bangs. He woke up and saw me with loving eyes, then I remembered what Lavender told me. "If you can imagine yourself making love with him, you love him..." I hadn't just imagined, I had done it, and it was by far better than just imagining it.  
  
"I love you..." we both whispered to each other at the same time. We looked surprised, and then we giggled softly. He lifted himself off of me and dressed himself, of course hiding with his cloak the parts that were shattered. He helped me with my own clothes, as we both descend the astronomy tower towards the Great Hall for breakfast. We separated ourselves without saying anything, we understood each other by just looking in the eyes of one another, and we went to our house's tables. During breakfast, the head of the house grouped everyone together, and we were led to our common room to prepare our things to go home. I boarded the Hogwarts Express, and began looking for him. I didn't find him. I got a compartment all to myself and then someone knocked on the door. I opened it. I could feel myself smiling widely at his beautiful face, grinning as well.  
  
We just hugged and kissed each other during the whole trip until we got to the platform. He looked with fear at me, and his eyes were asking me something. I just understood and replied, "I don't care if you become a Death Eater. I just want you to be alive someday, to meet again."  
  
We kissed passionately, and he whispered softly into my ear. "I love you... never forget me."  
  
"Of course I won't." And with that, he took his trunk and quickly left the train, not looking back. Through the window I saw Lucius himself waiting for him.  
  
I cried, cried a lot, why did I have to lose the one I loved? But something in my heart assured me that it wasn't the last time I would see him.  
  
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Now, at the dungeons...  
  
"No! Don't you dare to ask me that!" I cried aloud. No! It couldn't be possible: he was asking me to kill him before the other Aurors came to take him to Azkaban. They would give him the `Dementor's Kiss'.  
  
"Please..." he begged me.  
  
"No! I won't kill you." Now tears streamed from my eyes. "I-I'll kill them all if they even dare to just think about sending you to Azkaban. They WON'T send you there, I'll KILL THEM FIRST!"  
  
I felt like dying at the thought of a life without him, knowing that I would never see him again in my own lifetime. I began to tremble. He approached me and hugged me tightly.  
  
"You know that I have killed many innocent people. The feeling is so horrible Hermione. I don't ever want you to feel it in your life! You wouldn't live in peace with yourself, just like I can't. Kill me! I'm a murderer!"  
  
Hermione almost jumped a foot when she began to hear the Aurors' footsteps. She knew that she wouldn't be able to defeat them all, and she knew Draco very well, so well to know that he would die a thousand death rather than be in Azkaban.  
  
She lifted up her wand.  
  
"I love, I had always loved you. Remember that I love you until the day that my breath was taken away." He grabbed her and kissed her fiercely, she replied with the same fierceness, then the kiss grew tender and soft.  
  
"And you remember that I love you, and will never forget you!" she said while crying.  
  
"Avada Kedavra!" A green light came from her wand and shook in his chest. He fell on the floor. She stepped a few footsteps towards him and collapsed on the floor next to him. She began to cry aloud. She felt as if dying, as if her heart had been ripped from her body. She wanted to vomit, to kill herself, to do something to extinguish her pain.  
  
'How would I now willingly live, knowing that I would never see nor hear him again in my life, neither his smile, nor his eyes that I so much love, nor hear his lovely voice?'  
  
The rest of the Aurors came and found Hermione lying on the floor with her eyes wide-open and red, next to Draco Malfoy, one of the best Death Eaters. They thought that Hermione had killed him having no choice after a long battle. Little did they know that it was far away from the truth...  
  
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A/N: time: 4:02, I KNOW that my GRAMMAR IS AWFUL, sorry, I will fix it, I haven't reread the story so I don't know entirely if all make sense and if it can be understand, I hope it can . Really I was feeling kind of sad while writing the ending about how Hermione felt about knowing that she would never see the one she love ever again... (Sniff, sniff)  
  
REVIEW, REVIEW U'll MAKE IF you REVIEW. I WILL FIX the GRAMMAR DON'T WORRY. (I speak Spanish)- love to all the read persons that take a little of their time to read my story.  
  
Hullo! Answers to the REVIEWERS, to: *Norwegian-norbert *: thank U, when you said continue, you mean with this fic, right?;  
  
* Sandy716*: Thank you a LOT, I'm glad that you love it!; * Princess Leia Skywalker*: Thank you so much, I also speak Spanish and am Latin, but the Spanish side in the fan fiction is not so extend, that's why I write in English, or at least I tried! you like Star wars? If you like it I have a story already post call "Memories of the one that Holds your heart"; and it's `bout Anakin and Padme * Jade*: ¿?;* Gellie*: thank you SO much; * Jen*: Thank U, I too want to JKR write something `bout them, you said she's plans, can you write me and tell me `bout her plans PLEASE?; * Marissa*: Thanx a lot, I feel ; * izzy*: THANX!!!;  
  
* badgrrrl*: I'm always very honest so I'll tell you the true, U're wrong I didn't inspire in anything, I'm sad that you thought it, but I had read the story that you told me and U're right it's a little similar but just in that 2 details (Herm is an auror & she kills Draco) U're a right in other thing that story is one of the greatest that I had ever read, I totally love it! And it's a much lot better than mine, anyway thank you for reading mine and I only start writing without stopping to think.; * Juliet*: Thank you for Reading & reviewing!!! I hope you like it; * The Charmed One*: I' m that you like it, the truth is that at the beginning I didn't thought that it could have two or more chapters. Now, if I get more reviews telling me that I must write more chapters, then I'll write them; * Angel Solo*: It's funny, and you're right we are opposites, I'm glad that you like it. I wrote at a.m. at night, I've a question for you: I don't know what you mean by `keep it up?  
(Sorry, I didn't understand it even if it sounds simple);  
  
* Nikkiweasley-toolazy2signit*: Thanks for reading it! Hey you want to know something? I think that's true, the thing `bout imaging ; * Bianca*: I'm happy to know that you thought it was good (sniff, sniff, I'm excited); * patty*: I know it's sad to imaging Draco dying * Icy Stormz*: Thank U! I'm really glad you like it! I know that my grammar is AWFUL, I'm looking for someone to beta my stories!!! 


	2. I'll never forget you

Disclaimer: me own nothing. 

A/N: I know it's kind of weird that I'm writing the A/N on top, It's 'cause 1st of all I want to leave very clear that this 2nd chapter is more kind of a song fic, with a little of story in the end. At 1st I didn't plan to write a sequel, but I was heading to the doc. And I listen a couple of songs an the 1st persons that came in my mind were Herm & Draco. So I'll write this and if in Ur REVIEWS **U told me to leave it like it was be4 , I'll take the 2nd chapter, but if you told me that's ok, I'll leave it there. **So like U know, it's **VERY important 4 U to REVIEW**. 

By the way, the song is Enrique Iglesias' "Nunca te Olvidaré" (I'll Never Forget U), this **song is long, applies to Hermione's lost love and is soo sweet.**

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I'll Never Forget You (Nunca Te Olvidaré) 

Enrigue Iglesias 

_¬ Pueden pasar 3 mil años… _

**Three thousand years could pass... **

_¬ Puedes besar otros labios… _

**You could kiss other lips**

_¬ Pero nunca te olvidaré, _

**But, I'll never forget you, **

_¬ Pero nunca te olvidaré, _

**But, I'll never forget you. **

¬ Puedo morirme mañana.

I could die tomorrow. 

_¬ Puede secarse mi alma,_

**My soul could dry up,**

¬ Pero nunca te olvidaré,

**But I'll never forget you, **

_¬ Pero nunca te olvidaré,_

**But I'll never forget you,**

¬ Pueden borrar mi memoria.

**They could erase my memory.**

_¬ Pueden robarme tu historia, _

**They can rob me your story, **

_¬ Pero nunca te olvidaré, _

**But I'll never forget you, **

_¬ Pero nunca te olvidaré, _

**But I'll never forget you.**

_¬ Cómo olvidar tu sonrisa. _

**How could I forget your smile, **

¬ Cómo olvidar tu mirada. 

**How could I forget your glance, **

_¬ Cómo olvidar que rezaba _****

**How could I forget that I prayed**

¬ Para que no te marcharas. 

**That you wouldn't leave.**

¬ Cómo olvidar tus locuras.

**How could I forget your crazy ways.**

¬ Cómo olvidar que volabas.

How could I forget those outbursts? 

_¬ Cómo olvidar que aún te quiero _

**How could I forget I still love, **

¬ Más que a vivir, más que a nada.

**More than to live, more than anything.**

_¬ Pueden pasar 3 mil años… _

**Three thousand years could pass...**

_¬ Puedes besar otros labios… _

You could kiss other lips 

_¬ Pero nunca te olvidaré, _

**But, I'll never forget you, **

_¬ Pero nunca te olvidaré, _

**But, I'll never forget you, **

¬ Puedo morirme mañana. 

**I could die tomorrow**_ _

_¬ Puede secarse mi alma,_

**My soul could dry up,**

¬ Pero nunca te olvidaré,

**But I'll never forget you, **

_¬ Pero nunca te olvidaré._  
  
**But I'll never forget you.**

¬ Pueden borrar mi memoria.

**They could erase my memory.**

_¬ Pueden robarme tu historia, _

**They can rob me your story, **

_¬ Pero nunca te olvidaré, _

**But I'll never forget you, **

_¬ Pero nunca te olvidaré, _

**But I'll never forget you.**

¬ Puedes echarme de tu vida 

You can kick me out of your life… 

¬ Puedes negar que me querías

**You can deny that you love me...**

¬ ¡Pero nunca te olvidaré! 

**But I'll never forget you!**

¬ ¡Pero nunca te olvidaré!, 

**But I'll never forget you!**

_¬ Cómo olvidar tu sonrisa. _

**How could I forget your smile?, **

¬ Cómo olvidar tu mirada.

**How could I forget your glance?.**

_¬ Cómo olvidar que rezaba _

How could I forget that I prayed? 

¬ Para que no te marcharas.

**That you wouldn't leave.**

¬ Cómo olvidar tus locuras.

How could I forget your crazy ways? 

¬ Cómo olvidar que volabas.

How could I forget those outbursts? 

_¬ Cómo olvidar que aún te quiero _

**How could I forget I still love?, **

¬ Más que a vivir, más que a nada.

**More than to live, more than anything._  
_**

_¬ Pueden pasar 3 mil años… _

**Three thousand years could pass...**

_¬ Puedes besar otros labios…_

You could kiss other lips… 

¬ _Pero nunca te olvidaré, _

**But I'll never forget you,**

¬ _Pero nunca te olvidaré, _

**But I'll never forget you, **

¬ _Pero nunca te olvidaré, _

**But I'll never forget you,**

¬ _Pero nunca te olvidaré._

**But I'll never forget you.**

Half an hour had pass, the Aurors called for some nurses to see towards Hermione, she hadn't stood up. She was still laying on the dungeon's floor next to Draco's limp body. Tears still dropping like a flood, her eyes were soo red and puffy. She had never imagine in her entire life that she could have soo many tears and feel just so wretchedly unhappy. 

The Aurors kept looking at her with concern the last 30 minutes, while she was just crying out of her senses mouthing something they couldn't understand. 'Draco I love you and I'll always will.', 'Draco I love you and I'll always will.', 'Draco I love you and I'll always will.'…more tears came.

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A/N: So? What do U want me to do: leave that chapter there? Or take it? Love it? Hate it? Just let me know PLZ!! 

Sad!!!L I think that the song fits with the story. 


	3. A long, long time ago

Disclaimer: me own anything, just plot. 

A/N: this part of the story is told in present, before all the things of the 1st chapter. Is before she and Draco where together. Bernie thank U!!! (my beta) 

How Do You Want Me To Live Without You?"

A long, long time Ago, 

I could still remember... 

Mourning over my dear friends' death was almost a thing of the past. That didn't mean I wasn't mourning over their death, it only meant that I didn't cry all the day, the seven days of the week like I used to do since they were gone. 

Now I'm only trying to regain my normal personality, trying to do the same stuff as ever. The question was: How could I do if all the things I did before were always related with Harry or Ron? 

Well, like people say "Life Goes On", I did that with my life and gained new friends. Now I try to spent almost all my time with Parvati and Lavender, the same as Ginny. Who could have told before that from only having boy friends, I would have only girl friends? 

Parvati and Lavender are now making a make-up session to a 7th year Gryffindor. I still don't like that kind of stuff even if they're my friends. That doesn't mean we share the same interests. 

Ginny is having Potions; I pity her, really poor Ginny. She's lost more than me: her brother, and her crush. Maybe things would've been different if she'd told Harry about her feelings. That demonstrates you've got to do the things you want to, to say the things you feel, you think; to the people you want to tell, because maybe you won't get another chance. Don't keep your feelings for yourself. In that way you won't regret anything, you won't have 'what ifs' haunting your mind. 

Ok, so I don't have anything better to do than go to the library. The old Hermione would've done that. Yes, I'm a new Hermione now; life has changed, not too much, only a little bit. 

And, annoying noisy people won't be there; that's definitely a bonus. 

I push the big heavy wood doors and greet Madame Pince. I go directly to the shelves. What I'm goin' to read? 

I want something interesting, mmm, "Hogwarts: A History" sounds fine to me. I remember the many times Ron and Harry joked about me and 'Hogwarts: a History', 'cause I was always quoting something from there. 

I look around the library, it's almost empty except from Madame Pince and I, I think. 

I was reading until someone tapped my shoulder. I turn around and it's Malfoy, just what I need right now! 

I get out of the Gryffindor tower after months and I've got to find him…I'm pretty sure now he'll start joking about my friends' death. 

"What do you want?" I ask him coldly, ready to hear something nasty coming from him. 

"I just…want to say I'm sorry about Potter and Weasley." He said, I stare at his eyes and I think for the first time in my life I saw honesty in them, shinning through his gray-silver irises. 

"You hated them when they were alive, what are you sorry about?" 

"That I hated them doesn't mean that I wanted them death, Hermione." 

He called me Hermione? Now that's strange. I can help myself, but to believe that he's truly sorry. 

"Thanks." I mutter. I can feel my eyes filling with tears. He bent over and wiped them with his fingertips. 

"Look, they are death now, you can't do anything to change that. Don't cry over spillled milk." 

"I miss them." I finally let me tears come down through my cheeks. How humiliating, I'm crying in front of Malfoy, of all people Malfoy had to see me cry! 

"Hermione, calm down. It's natural for you to miss them, after all they were your best friends, but you know what? If you need anything, and I mean anything, or someone you want to talk with…just call me." 

He smiled me a genuine smile before walking through the wooden doors. 

"Thank you." I muttered even if he can't heard me.

*** 

A/N: I know this was very short, really sorry about that and that it has grammatical errors and it's because I've only sent the story to my BETA at this moment, so when she returns me the story fix, I'll upload it. PLZ REVIEW, PLZ REVIEW. hate it? love it? let me know. 


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